Deferred Gratification For Fairfield County Students

Despite our tepid recovery from The Great Recession, many Connecticut teens, particularly those in Fairfield County, are growing up in an environment of material abundance. They have little idea that your investments have been flat and that you are struggling to save enough for college. They remain rich in their world of video game systems, big screen TVs, and smart phones.

Much of your children’s “stuff” seemed to magically appear. The best toys and gadgets arrived on birthdays, holidays, and sometimes for no reason at all. Their work to get these new goods consisted of ripping through wrapping paper.

You gave because you are happy when your children are happy. Parents know that giving gifts is the quickest route to seeing smiling children.

But, your motivation to give is part of what has undermined the work ethic of many teens. They missed seeing the connection between work and reward. They missed the struggle.

In our work on the Connecticut shoreline and Fairfield County, we have observed an interesting dichotomy between those with first and multi-generational affluence.

First generation American children observe their parents working extremely hard to create the American Dream. Even when they get fancy stuff, they have an experiential understanding of the link between their parents’ work ethic and their shiny new things.

As for those children who have benefited from multiple generations of compounding interest, they rarely fit the caricature of spoiled patricians. Most have been well raised in the conventional sense. They seem universally well mannered, gracious, and modest. But, not all have the fire inside to work to their potential.

Indeed, motivation is particularly challenging for those from generational wealth. These children notice that their parents’ second home in the Hamptons and vacations to Aspen magically appeared, without any connection to work, just like their stuff.

Those who are self-motivated are firmly rooted in the concept of deferred gratification. They learn the lesson that they must work beyond what is the comfortable now in order to get something special latter. They know that stuff doesn’t just magically appear.

It is ironic that many parents whose success can be firmly attributed to living this principle, inadvertently, teach the exact opposite lesson to their children.

Our tutors know are trained to shift motivation in our students. We often teach the famed marshmallow experiment, involving a group of children, presumably of the normal sugar-craving variety. A researcher places a marshmallow in front of each child, tells the child that he is leaving the room, and that he’ll give the children who wait two marshmallows if they don’t eat the marshmallow in front of them until he returns. Those who wait display the trait of “deferred gratification”. In longitudinal studies, these students demonstrate greater success in school at statistically significant levels compared to their impatient peers.

It may be surprising but most of the Connecticut students we work with fully understand the message and tell us they remember the story at times when they choose to forego texting in order to continue studying. The next time you feel the need to get your quick fix of smiling children by giving the new I-whatever, you should do the same.